N.B. This post is a bit of a Debbie Downer until about 3/4 of the way through…
Today was a bad day. For anyone with an autoimmune condition, with chronic pain, ME, Chronic Fatigue syndrome or with Fibromyalgia itself you will know what I mean. It was an out of the blue day of feeling REALLY CRAP. I woke up early from the pain which was slightly worse than it has been of late. I’ve had a run of some good days since I got over the flu although I have been noticeably tired but the pain was heightened this morning and, as it has been doing on and off for almost two years, it woke me up. I was also really drowsy and tired – the kind of dead weight tired where you have to lie down in between washing your face and brushing your teeth. Not depressing at all.
I decided to work from home, I didn’t have any morning meetings (rare!) and I had a lot of work that could be done from home. I manage a team so it’s always a tough decision to work from home as I feel I’m somehow letting them down by not being there but I sometimes have to do what’s right for me.
As the day has worn on I’ve got worse. The exhaustion and dead weight body and has got more tired and heavier, the pain has morphed and twisted in my arms and I’ve had horrible stomach cramps so I’ve not eaten anything. It could be a virus on top of my usual stuff (a friend just said she’s got cramps too) but either way, when I have a bad day I get THE FEAR and I get really, really blue. Where do these bad days come from (I was fine in work yesterday, albeit a bit brain foggy and tired)? What causes them? Did I do something? Will I feel better tomorrow? Am I letting people down? This monologue isn’t helpful but it’s all too easy, especially alone, to fall into. I’ve written about this FEAR before when I had flu last month.
So, because I feel so blue and down in the dumps I’m going to remind myself of the things I do that help me.
- I speak to a friend or a relative that gets it. My friend Becky is currently texting me LOLs about her day and how she had chocolate on her lip in work for most of the afternoon and no one told her. It’s THIS that gets you through. (Thanks Becky)
- Wait for H to get home and he’ll take one look at sad me and instantly make me feel better, crack jokes, see the lighter side and cheer me up
- I have a bath. I’ve talked about the near-religious qualities of baths before when you have this type of condition
- I remind myself I have more good days than bad days now (by quite some way) so although this is tough to deal with, it’s the exception, not the rule
- I hang out with Mabel (who is in Liverpool at my mum’s Mabel-spoiling dog spa house)
- I use the cooling Deep Freeze gel all over those shitty painful joints and tissues
- I watch very bad telly
- I cry. Sometimes, as my friend Becky just reminded me it helps to just cry and get it all out. True dat
- I go to bed and sleep which always, always helps
I hope if you’ve had a bad day recently this may help, just a little, to know there are others out there feeling the same and there will be blue skies and brighter days ahead, hell, even tomorrow.